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Sunday, April 7, 2013

Saint Dymphna, Save Me!

Who can be a comedian anymore?
I can't.
Internet news exists.
Unfortunately I read.

Every day it is one horrible story after another! How am I supposed to make jokes for a living while child brides are being ushered into terrifying shit lives as I write this? Slavery is swirling all around us, People! How do we stop it? How do we unlock human compassion NOW so that the hell we are creating can be transformed by our powers of goodness TODAY? 

HOW? 

HOW DO I STOP WORRYING ABOUT PEOPLE I CANNOT SAVE LONG ENOUGH TO WRITE A JOKE? 

How should I go on? Should I be thinking about my "set" and my "act"? Should I be thinking about how to censor myself creatively to get Proctor and Gamble to sponsor me while a young girl like Gul Meena gets hacked at by her axe wielding brother for shaming her family by trying to escape a brutal marriage? Should I try to find the comedy in that? Or should I be spending as much time as possible in the fetal position trying not to become a vigilante or victim? How does everyone else do it? How does everyone else stay so cheeky and detached from the misery? Can someone tell me how to ignore this world like super-successful people do before it's too late for me to become shallow enough to be super-successful? 

Who can teach me how to turn off my humanity long enough to write one fucking joke in April?