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Thursday, February 20, 2014

Mini-Manifesto in Defense of Sarah Hyland


FROM YAHOO:

Modern Family star Sarah Hyland, 23, was posing with fans outside the Modern Family party hosted by Qantas Tuesday in Sydney, Australia, when she was allegedly groped by a male fan.
According to E! News, Hyland became visibly emotional and teared up after the alleged fan grabbed her breast. Security intervened after she screamed, "Don't touch me there!," the news source reports. The New South Wales police confirmed that a 29-year-old man was arrested in relation to the incident.
MANIACS' ALMANAC EDITORIAL RESPONSE:

OK.

If we really want to fix some shit in our fucked up society...

we MUST teach our girls to be totally violent as soon as anyone touches them in an inappropriate and uninvited way. When a total stranger assaults you by grabbing at an intimate part of your body you should want to immediately physically destroy them so that your body produces the necessary chemicals you need to defend yourself. Once someone gets that close to you their ability to harm you mortally, greatly increases.

TEACH YOUR DAUGHTERS WHO ARE STUCK ON THIS WOMAN-HATING ROCK BECAUSE OF YOU: Once anyone puts their hands on you in "that" way it's time to fight!

DAUGTHERS: Crying makes things worse but is understandable if you have not been taught from day one that no one has the right to sexually assault you. Many girls are not taught this lesson which is why so many women get paralyzed with fear and cry when assaulted when they should be in a murderous, dangerous rage. This young actress was at work when it happened to her and when you are surrounded by colleagues and associates you automatically feel bound by conventional rules of workplace behavior and so the natural reaction to physically defend yourself is interrupted. The emotional frustration that comes from being in that kind of psychological double-bind can cause paralysis and tears. IT'S OK. It's a normal reaction.

The only irrational reaction to sexual assault is the one many assholes on internet message boards suggest: being so emotionally numb and devoid of any self-protective instincts, that you do not react at all, and take the stance that it is no big deal, leaving yourself totally vulnerable to further attack.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

SARAH HYLAND ROCKS

AND INSPIRES OUR NOBLE PUBLISHER

MOJICA FITZGERALD KENNEDY

TO TELL YOU HERE

IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS

FIGHT BACK AGAINST ASSHOLES

ANY WAY YOU SEE FIT.

VIOLENCE IS AT YOUR DISPOSAL.

USE IN MODERATION

UNLESS INSPIRED

TO CLEAN UP THE GENE POOL.

HAVE A NICE DAY.